JustBhem

I'm back after months of being away from here. Well, I feel oblige to write here once again for I don't want this blog to turn to ash. This has been my zen for so many years. And it is so nice to be back once again. I have so many stories and happenings I want to share here. I have an iPhone now. Thanks for a friend who gave me this piece of heaven. I cannot afford to buy this even in my dreams and so grateful that this friend who is very generous and kind gave it to me. I still don't like my mother. She never change and I doubt she will. And I am trying to understand her now. But there are still days I hated her for being so insensitive and dishonest. I'm still praying that she will change for the better. I am still on HD (HemoDialysis) and there is this one time I had a worst after session feels. Like I keep vomiting and I get sick. And it was only for one day. Still thankful though nothing serious happen to me. I have a huge problem at the moment. Our comf...

This would be my latest post after weeks of not responding to my hobbies. I've been very busy with my small business and I'm really having a hard time coping up. And since I don't have much orders today or inquiries, I will post about what happened today. Or should I say, what my thoughts about my mother. I really don't understand my mother. I've been trying to come up with ideas on how to keep track of her misconception about being a mother and sad to say. None of them refers to her. I really want to stand and defend her but what she's doing is all wrong that's why my brothers have always something to say to her. I really don't like the idea of words throwing at her but she's very arrogant and abusive as well. Mind this. She works only for herself and not for us. She always mind her own wants and not our needs as a family. Her being selfish somehow provoke us to dislike her and hating her. For the past years of being a mother, we never felt her...

There she goes again. She's gone and just like that. With no reason at all. No hi's not even goodbye. And I really don't have any clue to why she's doing it again. She will tell you about her life. Then dissappear out of the open. I cannot even see her profile anymore. I dont know if she blocked me or deactivated her account. Wherever you are, I hope you are okay. I don't want to miss you because I know you are not going to miss me too. If you have problems and you want to keep it to yourself then its okay. Its your life and you are doing it great. As for me, I'm okay and will keep it that way although sometimes I'm not. I want you to know that I will always be here if you need someone to listen or to be your bestfriend again. I will not going to change my name for you to come back. Please take good care of yourself. Bhem ♡♡♡

I am so frustrated right now. My wound is still producing a very smelly oil and I cannot take it anymore. My mind tells me that I should go to the hospital and have it cure. But the sad part is, no one will be able to accompany me. Brothers are too busy with their own life. Mother is also very busy with her work that she still think about on how to spend her earn money for herself. What a useless mother she is. I wake up very early because I slept very early. My wound is still giving me weakness hormones that sometimes I cant eat and all I want is to lay down the whole time. What added to my frustration is the water interruption. At this very early, no water is flowing all over town. Like this is very insane! How can I take a bath? Haaaaaays. Too much thinking! Oh by the way. Also my orders are not ready. Its been ages now that my shipment of orders are not yet in my hands. My supplier gave me another lame reason why it didnt arrive. Also my second supplier is also the worst. I thou...

You know what I'm thinking at the moment? Oh how I really like to take all these three antibacterial tablets infront of me. So that these bacteria causes my wound to itch and painful will gone. This is really stressing me out. I've been crying the whole time because of this. Sometimes I want to end my misery by taking all the tablets I have. It would be more painless, I guess. But thinking about my beloved Ian makes me want to cry more and out loud. I want to lean on his shoulder and ask a hug from him just to, at least washed this painful wound out of my mind. I know asking God of what I've been through is not a good idea, but I asked Him anyway. I asked him to, somehow make these wound painless and not itchy and gone forever. I really want to be normal again even if I have this chronic illness. I want to live more without these painful wounds. Without itchyness. I'm still crying. Because I miss Ian badly. Because of these wounds that causes me to miss Ian badly. ...