How it started.

When I decided to quit my 5-year job in a BPO company. I thought of working somewhere where I can excel. I have so many plans listed. And as a self-governing human being, being unemployed is not my cup of tea. I just can't sleep all day and not earning something. I need to remember I'm living in a boarding house that I need to pay plus the boyfriend is still studying. But I just can't get away with fun. So I decided to have fun first before applying for a new job.

When I say fun, that means I need to sleep late. It's been going on after my first blood transfusion. Not knowing that I should have my follow up check up. Then, it was happening again. This time, I feel so dizzy. I always vomit. And I am having a headache every now and then. I never told the boyfriend about it at first because I'm afraid he might be worried about me again. Until he caught me vomiting in our room early morning. My head was too painful and the blurry vision is coming again. The boyfriend helps me up and he said we are going back to the hospital.

I was admitted again. It's not that it's my first time but many of times already after I had my first ever major operation. So, I was admitted to the same hospital where I had my transfusion. They run a series of test and they surprise me with the result. Aside from having a low Hemoglobin count, I also have a high Creatinine. The Doctor advised us to have an emergency Dialysis.

Hearing about it. I feel like I need to vomit. I'm not feeling well, I could not sleep thinking about it. I also think that since it's the last option does that mean I will die soon? I cried most of the time when the boyfriend is not around. Since then, I cannot eat. I smell the iron in my breath. I keep vomiting.

One time, my Doctor visited me at 2 AM. She told me about my sickness, properly educating me about the advantage of Dialysis. I understand all of them. But my parents were the one who doesn't want me to undergo Dialysis. it will be the end of life if I will. The Doctor was too kind and too patient to give us a referral just in case we want to.

That day, I and the boyfriend talked about it. The boyfriend is willing to take the risk. But I'm not. I'm still not convinced about the idea of Dialysis. Until we decided to go home and have my medication there. I went back to my parent's house since we are no longer can afford to pay the rent. Though our Land Lord said we can stay for a month. The boyfriend needs to work and no one will look for me so we decided to that we should go back to our parent's house.

So I live with my parents and siblings. At first, I'm not comfortable living with them because ever since I live individually. And I miss the boyfriend. But he regularly visits me here every after work. I feel the changes in me. My pee is becoming lesser. I cannot eat. I feel very weak. I could not step more than 5 steps and I run out of breath. Then there is something in my tongue. It's a black thing that looks like blood growing. I cannot sleep at night. And sometimes I am seeing things and hallucinate.

Christmas of 2013. I ask my Mother to cook my favorite food with the money I gave her. She cooked all my favorite foods for Christmas. And that time, I can no longer stand nor sit. Brothers will carry me and all I could do is lying down. And I was thankful that I was able to celebrate Christmas with them. The boyfriend visited and see me in the dining chair, lying down. I can see in his eyes that he is bothered and worried about me. I can't say anything so he kisses me and whispers Merry Christmas. He gave me my presents.

Morning of 25, my relatives plan to go to the beach with their leftover foods. So my parents decided to join them as well. I don't want to spoil the fun so I told them I will come as well. Brothers need to carry me. I am thankful that I have siblings who will carry me. I feel their love for me. At the beach, since I can stand or sit, I'm just lying there in one of the benches and see nothing but the cottage roof and the sun. I know in myself that I will never gonna see them again so I asked my Father that I want to go home. If in case I will die, I want to die in our house.

My parents have no choice but to go home early so my Brother has to carry me again. I feel sad about them carrying me always but they didn't give a damn about it. At home, I feel so weak that I wanted to just close my eyes. I can feel my breath is short. I feel so tired. The boyfriend came in. He was staring at me because I can say anything and I can only look at him in the eye. He was crying. The next thing I know, he carries me outside and asks my Brothers to look for a taxi. He will bring me to the Hospital before something will happen to me.

I heard a commotion. My Father was panic as well as my Brothers. One of my Brother got a taxi for us. Inside the taxi. I was silent and observe the boyfriend who is in tears. He hugs me and keeps kissing me in the head. I am so thankful that he loves me despite what happens to me.

At the hospital, I was put in a stretcher. They have me on oxygen. Time to time they check my BP. The good thing is that the service in the public hospital is fast during those days. I heard the boyfriend told the nurse I am for emergency dialysis and mentioned my Doctor. Looks like I have a very know Doctor so the nurses attended to us immediately.

They have my labs and one of the Intern Doctor under my Nephro Doctor said that I cannot have my emergency dialysis because I need to have my blood transfusion first. I need to have 10 at least. That's a lot because my Hemoglobin count was 47. It's too less that I could die. I don't know what happened around me but we are lucky enough to get a blood. This time my Father was helping the boyfriend. My Brothers donated their blood since we have the all the same blood. Friends offered their blood as well. The boyfriend became my donor.

It was 2 days of blood transfusion and on the 28 of December 2013. I had my first emergency catheter. And still, I cannot have my first dialysis because my catheter was still bleeding. I need to have another blood transfusion and 7 bags of platelets. Since I was in a public hospital that means I need to endure the hotness of the room. It was the first time my parents are too worried for me. They are always there to look for me when the boyfriend needs to process my medication. Friends and relatives were there visiting me and offered prayers and help for my financial.

Then came the moment that I will have my first dialysis. I was not in myself during that time. I was so active and I know there is something wrong with myself. I even asked the nurse who attended me to have a medicine for me to calm down. When the nurse inserted the tube into my catheter. I feel something. Then the next thing I know, I'm in the ward.

I woke up seeing the white ceiling first. Then saw my 3rd Brother holding me two arms tightly and the boyfriend holding my head. They look nervous, I was confused. Then my Brother asked me if who he was, and I said, of course, I know you. You are my Brother Karlo. He smiled and said thank God. Then they let me go. The boyfriend was kissing me and said that I have my successful first dialysis. That's the only thing he said to me.

The next morning. I wake up with my Father touching my forehead. I see his eyes swelling. I didn't bother to ask him while I saw my Mother sitting in one of the chairs. She's confident and not worried. Like nothing happens to me. Looks like she was smirking. Maybe was jealous because Father was too worried for me. Then he said that they almost lost me for minutes there. At first, I didn't understand him.

Then he explained to me what happened during my first dialysis. I was about to cry. I asked my Father if Mother was there during my struggle. Father said he could not find my Mother. The last time I remember who was there was the boyfriend, the boyfriend's Mother who said that I and the boyfriend will get married once I'm out, my Father, my 3rd Brother. Those are the persons I remember was there around me.

I don't remember the date of my first Dialysis.
All I remember it was December of 2013.
My first Dialysis.

Now, I will have my 5 years of HD this coming December.
A lot of changes in me now physically.

This is me while I'm having my Dialysis. 

The boyfriend and I while having our time together.