JustBhem

It's been awhile now since I haven't sorted my thoughts here and now I felt I needed to fill in the spot where I left. Anyway,... I was busy checking my IG                (Instagram)  account one day and saw Miranda Kerr's post, it was her Birthday and I greeted her. Along with her post below it, there was a message by her and a poem. The poem caught my attention and read it loud. It was a good poem. And it looks like it was written for me. The thoughts of it was the same of what I experienced.  I copied the poem and looked for it in the Internet. Since its a very nice poem, I thought of sharing this here. She Let Go by Rev. Safire Rose.. She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear.  She let go of the judgments.  She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.  She let go of the committee of indecision within her.  She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Whol...

I have this attitude of telling someone of how awful they look like or how stupid they are. I mean, it's not bad right? For being honest.  Anyway I'm not on denial. As I've said, I have this attitude of telling someone of how they look so stupid or how bad they are. I know its bad but the good thing is - I only keep it inside me. So whether you are doing good or bad for me, I always have something to say.  So expect yourself you'll get a bunch of bad words from me.  And for those people who really know me. If youd ask them, pretty sure they will tell you things about how damned I am because of how I deal with people who know nothing about me, especially those people who are hypocrite and judgemental.  But I'm not a hater of man kind though somehow I was born wretched that attitude already burried 2 years ago. I am a better person now with so much good things to say. And I'm not expecting anybody to understand me because changing the way you dea...

Summer is coming. And I know everyone is excited about it. For sure beaches will flock by beach bums and so are those famous summer places in the city. How I would really love to go with the flow and be as normal as other people. Would love to start by walking in the shore line, watch peebles swingging by the waves, take pictures of myself with friends and of course with Ian, and also would love to swim and feel the salt water all over my body. I already converse about it with Ian regarding our summer escapade together. And we both agreed that we need to plan it carefully because it would be my very first time after a year of my recovery phase. So, as early as last week I already look for a rash guard to wear and to hide my fistula in the eyes of those judgemental people, and for me to feel comfortable while taking pictureque view of the shore. I'm excited, I know. Also friends are planning for an outing in the north. How I would really love to go to Enchanted River and Britan...

"Envy consumes nothing but it's own heart. It is a kind of admiration for those whom you least want to praise." Okay. I guess this message slap me in the face. I'm no denial when it comes to being envious, but in a good way that I didn't take it as a bad idea. It's more of a inspiration for me that to be like them I need to stand on my own and do my best shot. I even can't blame myself for becoming like this. I'm just human. Born to be imperfect and flawed. And becoming a sick person is the sickess sickening illness I've got. Ever since I belonged to this no cure sickness, I already setup my mind that in order to get use of this I need to be cool, do the things I want and live my life at peace which what I'm currently been doing now. And I'm telling you, it's so hard but I know with God's good graces I will be able to rise. Well being envious I think is not a bad idea if you lool at it as a positive way to be better and not...

When I was young, I really wanted to have a sister. I had one but she died when I was 7 years old. Father bear also want's to have another daughter. When mother got pregnant again, father was happy, and when they found out it's a boy. Father said, let's try once again. Until, I have 5 brooding brothers. When school is about to be my second home, I envied my little classmates for they have sisters who always fetched them. While me, I was given a task to look after my second brother. It was quiet normal for me though because through that I was able to do my given task a good remarks. Father was so pleased seeing me with my brother together. High school is crucial. I still need to look after with my Brother though Father already gave up that responsibility to me, because I need to focus on my own and brother also need to stand on his feet. But I cannot bear the thought of giving up to my brother when I knew that he was already attached to me. I still look after him at sch...