JustBhem

Summer is coming. And I know everyone is excited about it. For sure beaches will flock by beach bums and so are those famous summer places in the city. How I would really love to go with the flow and be as normal as other people. Would love to start by walking in the shore line, watch peebles swingging by the waves, take pictures of myself with friends and of course with Ian, and also would love to swim and feel the salt water all over my body. I already converse about it with Ian regarding our summer escapade together. And we both agreed that we need to plan it carefully because it would be my very first time after a year of my recovery phase. So, as early as last week I already look for a rash guard to wear and to hide my fistula in the eyes of those judgemental people, and for me to feel comfortable while taking pictureque view of the shore. I'm excited, I know. Also friends are planning for an outing in the north. How I would really love to go to Enchanted River and Britan...

"Envy consumes nothing but it's own heart. It is a kind of admiration for those whom you least want to praise." Okay. I guess this message slap me in the face. I'm no denial when it comes to being envious, but in a good way that I didn't take it as a bad idea. It's more of a inspiration for me that to be like them I need to stand on my own and do my best shot. I even can't blame myself for becoming like this. I'm just human. Born to be imperfect and flawed. And becoming a sick person is the sickess sickening illness I've got. Ever since I belonged to this no cure sickness, I already setup my mind that in order to get use of this I need to be cool, do the things I want and live my life at peace which what I'm currently been doing now. And I'm telling you, it's so hard but I know with God's good graces I will be able to rise. Well being envious I think is not a bad idea if you lool at it as a positive way to be better and not...

When I was young, I really wanted to have a sister. I had one but she died when I was 7 years old. Father bear also want's to have another daughter. When mother got pregnant again, father was happy, and when they found out it's a boy. Father said, let's try once again. Until, I have 5 brooding brothers. When school is about to be my second home, I envied my little classmates for they have sisters who always fetched them. While me, I was given a task to look after my second brother. It was quiet normal for me though because through that I was able to do my given task a good remarks. Father was so pleased seeing me with my brother together. High school is crucial. I still need to look after with my Brother though Father already gave up that responsibility to me, because I need to focus on my own and brother also need to stand on his feet. But I cannot bear the thought of giving up to my brother when I knew that he was already attached to me. I still look after him at sch...

And to end this post is our picture.. 

Whenever I felt that I am the worst human being to experienced Life cruelties, I pray hard, that, if only, I could save other people from their own suffering, I will carry them myself but I'm not Jesus. I don't have the will to do that. I'm just human who are still suffering from life's fairness. You may say I am being bored for what is written here but I am on my own sanity. I just love to write and let go of my thoughts for somebody who will accidentally  try to read all of my life's dramas. Who knows, they may find answers or maybe enlightenment for their own miseries. Hopefully. Or maybe a laughing porgatory (for being dull). I know my writings are not somehow like a pro but definitely people will understand them, and if not, then try to look for more meaningful blogs ahead. So what are you waiting for? Tired of reading? Kidding. Stay. Please.. Okay, the thought about this post is how my day today is about to end. I did nothing the whole day but to keep...