JustBhem

I feel like writing but I don't know where to start. Do I need to start on how my weeks goes by? Or do I need to write something about today? urgh! Well, I better start writing about today instead. It's gloomy Monday. And I feel like useless. I have been away from work for almost a week now because of my sickness. I miss work already but my body won't cooperate. I know it's all in the mind and what can I do about it? If stress are too much to handle. Yeah! You're right! I'm so stress these past few weeks. You wanna know why? Don't worry I won't be talking about love anymore. You'll see.  It all started last last week. I was aiming for a good sale for November. I know I tried so hard. And the harder I keep on working the harder I was falling. I end up getting one sale in a day and 20 calls. It's so freakin' frustrate me. So much that my head is aching. I tried different ways to at least have a 3 deals in a day. And I end up losing all t...

" If you love someone, set him free if he comes back then you are really meant to be."  I have been using this quote since the time when I knew love is all about. I have always been a giver not a taker of course. All my life all I ever wanted is to feel love and be loved in return. I am sucker of loves affection. I never imagined myself having a good boyfriend and a perfect relation. I just want to have fun-loving partner that can keep up with my mood swings. But I guess I have no luck when it comes to love. (sigh) I finally close everything what I started for. I gave him his freedom. It's painful though but I need to do it for the sake of everything. If I knew before that loving someone is really not that easy I wouldn't bothered experience it. But I am only human. not perfect and flawed. This is what we called Life.  I cried as if there's no tomorrow, my eyes are swelling already. I need to get rid of the pain inside my chest. I needed someone to talk ...

" Loving someone is like kissing the rain and embracing the sun. Its like heaven. " - Bhem - I experienced love and being loved in return. They all been so wonderful. But unlike those stories in the fairy tale, mine don't have a happy ending.  When I asked God to have him. I was the happiest girl in my age. I thanked God for granted me prayers. It was so soon though. I always gave thanks everyday because I'm so happy. Our story is the unique of all the love stories I have. We are friends that turned to me be more than that. Everybody loves what we have become some other criticize but I don't give a dime. I was too blinded of the fact that I am happy, that I am contented of I have.  Months passed and years fading. For 2 long years of being together we argued on simple things though we keep up after the fight. All I can think is its nature for lovers to experienced ups and downs in a relationship. We developed hating each other. I got pregnant. That was t...

I quote " One word frees us all weight and pain in Life, that word is LOVE."  What a wonderful feeling it is to feel love and be loved in return. It such a blessing for me after all what I have been through.  I know this is not yet my happy ending but I know deep down inside me He is the one that I will love to get old with. Sound so awkward but its true and the hell I care. *wink* October 04, 2012 > that's our 34Th Monthsary. Its memorable for me because this is the first time that we are able to celebrate it with his own penny. I really do have an ideal date kind of thing. Like dinner in a fancy Resto bar with a nice ambiance, reggae songs on top of the beat. That would be wonderful!  But that's not what I thought its gonna be. We simply do our thing. Like going to a Mall, have dinner and watched movie. That's simple are we. Just like the old days when we were just friends. I laughed and smile remembering how our relationship grows. It's amazing a...

You've just unfriend by someone! woah! what a slap in my face. It was June of this year. I have known her as my boyfriend's ex. She was the one who asked for a friend request. I did not know her existence until such time my boyfriend told me things about her. Like their break up and how it was ended. I was amaze or excited perhaps would be the best thing to describe it. Because for some reason I am excited to know her more. We became friends for almost a year, exchanging comments and sort of things, even thoughts of wisdom and  life experiences.  Until such time that I felt that awkward feeling towards her. She is not commenting anymore to all my wall post. Then she always ignored me already. I asked her one time by telling her I had a dream. I asked her if we are okay. She said we are okay. But then again that awkward feeling again.  Then she blocked me after few days. Its a slap and an insult to me. I know I don't have right to get mad but down deep in me I f...

October it is! two months to go and its Christmas once again. What would this Christmas bring to me? Hopefully forever Happiness and more life. I still don't have a clue.  Well, what I have been doing for the past days is nothing. Been laid for work for more than 10 days now and I feel so so strange and weaker. Anyhow, I will have to see my Doctor in just two days.  I have been thinking of this lately, wait! no I have been thinking for this the whole day. Its about a friend of mine and I can even think about it if we are lovers or not. A lot of things happened before ( way back the old days though ).  I am able to view his wife's Facebook account just awhile ago. I even send a friend request not thinking of what would be the outcome. I just feel that I need to say sorry for him, I know I owe him a sorry but he never text me anymore. After I said something else to him that make him mad or sad.  I don't want to be a home wrecker nor someone I don't want to be. ...

Sunday : Sept 30, 2012, 1:36 AM and I'm still quite awake. Just got off from a gig and I'm tired but don't wan't to pull myself over to sleep.  I am happy. Yes! I can only say this because I am in the verge of being happy at the moment. The reason is, of course I have someone who never let me go despite of my difficulties. Yeah! I just said that I am happy now.  Though I can say that I am happy. I know that one day I'll be posting again some of my sadness. That's life Ups and Downs. Thinking of the past somehow let me realized that those were lesson that need to keep remembering. And those memories are worth it and priceless. I still have the ghost of the past and it still hunting me. I know that someday I may able to face it and deal with it someday.  One thing that makes me Happy is seeing my Family survived after all the break down. I so love them that it hurts me seeing them still fighting through the rough of life. I know that with those hopes and ...

Sept 01 2012 I just don't know what happen. I just found myself searching for a familiar song in Youtube. Then I found myself hovering my thoughts of the past then I sung the song so loud. I don't know if I'm gonna call myself a cheater. Because right at that moment I still remember the past that thought me to be brave. Is this possible? after a long years of surpassing those remarkable event in my life I still have that feeling of longing. That feeling of agonizing the pain. The feeling that I want to go back to the past. I still don't have an answer those bugging questions. Do I still love that person? That I still don't know the answer.

August 29 2012, Have you ever experienced that someone you know is a friend. Then it turned out to hate you for some lame reason? Then she talks behind your back and you know for yourself that you don't owe that person anything but friendship. For that Person, I really don't care if how much you hated me, on how you being a bitchy-bitch talking behind my back. All I can gave you is a nutty smile to show you how I really appreciated all those stabbing words you've said against me. I really don't give a shit! Its my very pleasure because you gave me one reason that for being a simple-unique kind of a person I am, there's someone " that's you " making it more fun to live my life other than bothering your wretched life.

I have been to many experiences and some of them I can hardly recall. Its like a splash of water in the river then it goes to the river bank. Nah. What am I talking here is about this feeling I am having right now. I know I shouldn't be bothering but why I act so stupid and think stupid. Well, this all about my future and my past. I know I shouldn't be bothering right? But who I am to stop it. It keeps coming back and I keep asking myself back and forth. Well, this is how it goes. It happen in a dream. When I was nearly sleeping when this guy (my ex) pops up right away in my mind. It just a bullet that hits me right there. He was with my dream out of nowhere and I didn't even think of him that day. They say that if a person ran's to your mind without you thinking of them meaning they think of you right at that time. It was like oh men! Not again. Then it keeps bothering me even this moment while I am writing this. Yeah! I know Is should't be, right? But I just can...

Have you ever been in world that only you can have the power to pull strings everything you want? Have you been to places at a time? In my 28 years of living my life I have been dreaming a lot. Whenever I am in a crowded place or even at work I always day dream. I just can't avoid it. Its like a sickness that's no cure. Sometimes I just found myself hanging on for a sec then back to reality. I even think of weird dreams too. I don't know if I can say its a dream though because I can do whatever I want to do with that thought. Well, I just found myself smiling and nodding for no reasons at all. Maybe I was born to be a dreamer.

I still remember the pain. The pain that caused me so much hurting. A pock that always keep remembering. I can't deny myself by just simply filling up the vast void memories that I once kept. Memories that I still long to get back. Life is so erratic. It will give you different emotions that us human cannot resist. Fate that is very enticing yet avoidable. I am living all my life in silence and with God as my best friend of all. He knew all my suffering. I know with God around me I will be safe. I am hoping that after this enigmatic feeling I will be okay. I just let it pass.

I am hateful. I cuss. I can get easily pissed. I am a troubled bitch. I can talk shit right in front of some poker face without their knowing. I am what I am. I know myself than what others story. I know when and where I can get knowledge of what's going around me. I am such a cry baby. I can be the very sweet person you can be but also it depends on what type of person I get along. This is myself and I. No one, nobody can ever take that away from me.

I really love being alive. I can eat my favorite icecream,watching fireworks,raising your hands on rollercoaster,getting good grades you work hard for,childhood memories,going on a long walks,singing your heart out,dancing forhours,climb the highest peak,walking barefoot in the sand,your first jump in pool in the summer,shopping and buying your new clothes,facebook creeping,waking up in the morning,being texted first,listening to a meaningful song or lyrics,go on for a family trips,long summer nights,listening to the sound of the rain,wearing my chuck shoes in the office,loving the color red,green and yellow,swimming,wonderful world,whispering,hugging the one you love,having a long walks with him,wanderlust,when you know someone likes you too,that one person you can talk to about everything,sleeping for more than 10 hours,knowing the 7 new wonders of nature,seeing a new life born,watching the 80's movies,wearing bracelets and anklets,being inked,piercings,fishtail braids,dreaming o...

As anyone else in this world none of us wants to die young and unaccomplished. Unless if you want to be just like Bella Swan. In order for you to live more you should have a vampire and a very rich boyfriend for you to turn into one of them. sound creepy but for me I'd like to try that and live longer.. I know that someday my time will be over. My candle may not be lit anymore. I may not able to build my own family and see my brothers and their wives, or even their children. I almost get carried away with the thought of losing myself. I cried for sometimes. And when I see my mother and father living together, it gives me hope to strive for long life. I know its all up to me to neglect all those bad things and and bad habits just to make my life more meaningfull. For the last 28 years of my existence. I considered those years as one of my achievement. You wanna know why? That because I'm to live this long and I'm thankful for that. I'm able to see love and experienced it...

Sayonara 2011 welcome 2012.. How will you clasp 2012 with an open arms? Well for me, lets just see what might happen along the way. 2011 is a year full of remonstrance and misquote. But I surpassed them all with the help of our mighty God and for those people who never gave up on me. Keep believing in me though I have a lot of fall downs. Thank God I manage them with two hands. I can say that life is unfair for those people who doesn't have the spirit to believe in Him. But its a great year full of remembrance,hardships,trials and tribulation. Hopefully 2012 will give me the best of myself, not only for me but also to those people who loves me. To my family,friends,relatives and to my beloved. Thank you so so much of being a part of my 2011. I'll be forever grateful.