JustBhem

Please allow me to share my link here about my fundraiser. I post my link here. https://gogetfunding.com/please-help-me-fund-my-operation-for-my-av-fistula/

I kind of feel sad at the moment. I was trying to get back with sleep but looks like sleep left me for a while. The boyfriend hasn't messaged me back, maybe he was having fun with our mutual friends and to think he has work tomorrow. I feel exhausted and I finished my task right before my head strikes to burn. I get a nap of like 20 minutes and I'm awake again. I still heard my relatives still talking at this hour, looks like they are having some Family meeting. Since I hate going to the bathroom for the 3rd time, I took an antimotility tablet which helps me a lot. Back to being sad. While I was having my nap, my Mother's face appears in my thoughts. She looks so sad and I feel so sad too. And it got me to wonder why is she sad? When she is good at pretending and she is a big fat lier. Aside from that, it makes me think what's with her experiences that makes her not loving us? As far as I remember, one thing I like about her is when she comb my hair while I w...

It's 2:10 in the morning and I'm still wide awake.  I've been changing websites from myLot to another.  I know I am bothered with something and I just can't explain it.  I have no one to talk to except answering my responses to myLot.  And I know, nobody cares how I feel at the moment.  This week, I and the boyfriend had a scheduled visit with my Nephro Doctor in one her new office. Thank God, no one was around when we came in meaning we have the Doctor in our time. She noticed my hair which is very long and she wants me to cut it because it's taking away my calcium. I didn't bring my lab because by the next day we will have our monthly laboratory anyway but I know my stats so I let her know.  Based on the stats I open to her, she said that my PTH level is high and I should take medicines for that which I already did. I also shared to her that I have reaction from taking the medicine so she advises me not take it, instead I will have calcium for 3 ...

I thought my first ever confinement this year will be the end. But I didn't see it coming. It was April when I had my after-a-long time of not having one. So I was too positive that no more injection and incarceration. I was wrong. So I tried as much as possible not to get exposed again. But people around me are not very careful when it comes to their well being. I heard my Mother having a hard cough. It was awful. I told her that the next time she will have a cough she needs to have it check and ask for medication in the center. But she is such a hard-headed kind of person who does not listen. It was June, one month before my Birthday. The first week of the month when I have a fever again. I was having a hard cough and since it was a hard cough, I have cramps manifested in my right rib cage. It was too painful that I couldn't breathe. It was a rainy afternoon. I was crying with pain and panicking. My Mother tried to comfort me but I said no, you are not helping me so I ha...

I know that the people in my house are having some kind of virus attack. But I didn't bother to wear a mask for my protection. I was too overconfident that I won't get any of those. So, I hang around in the living room to watch TV. Not knowing that my Mother will sneeze in front of me. I was terrified. Because as much as possible, I don't really like to get sick. Moments later after that sneeze. I have a hard feeling of knowing what's going on with me. Suddenly a clear snot drop in my nose. And followed by a prickly throat. Then I started coughing. I thought it will just pass me by. I check my temperature and guess what, I have a fever. I tried to have a remedy for it by taking a medicine. I was too weak to even stand and watch movies like I always do. Then I fall asleep. At exactly 5 in the morning, I woke up and feel cold. I was too hot and barely can't stand at all because I feel so heavy and I feel so weak. That virus that came from my Mother was too deadly...

When I decided to quit my 5-year job in a BPO company. I thought of working somewhere where I can excel. I have so many plans listed. And as a self-governing human being, being unemployed is not my cup of tea. I just can't sleep all day and not earning something. I need to remember I'm living in a boarding house that I need to pay plus the boyfriend is still studying. But I just can't get away with fun. So I decided to have fun first before applying for a new job. When I say fun, that means I need to sleep late. It's been going on after my first blood transfusion. Not knowing that I should have my follow up check up. Then, it was happening again. This time, I feel so dizzy. I always vomit. And I am having a headache every now and then. I never told the boyfriend about it at first because I'm afraid he might be worried about me again. Until he caught me vomiting in our room early morning. My head was too painful and the blurry vision is coming again. The boyfrien...

The boyfriend and I were about to sleep when I feel a little prickly kind of thing in my throat. It was around 3 in the morning and we just got back to our boarding house. We were too delightful of the event that night that we almost forgot it's already morning. I could not understand. I feel itchy and I keep coughing. I thought I will be having the flu or something and the hotness I feel inside myself. I could not sleep. I tried to make myself better by sitting in front of the electric fan. And I still could not stand why I'm having a shortness of breathing. The next thing I know, I was on the floor sleeping while the boyfriend was comfy sleeping in the bed. The next morning. I feel my head is about to blow because it's too painful that I could not even see. My vision is blurry. I took medicine for the pain. And tried to relax and sleep. When I woke up, the headache was gone. The boyfriend was at school. So I was left alone and try to do that usual thing. I thought it...

It was painful. I know it not just an ordinary pain. It was different. I could not focus on my calls. At first, it was just a smooth pain that I can just let it pass. But the more I think about it. The pain gets heavier. It's 5 minutes before the end of my shift. I can't wait to end my call and log out into the phone. Beep! At last, I'm ready to go. Oooppss... TC Romel was calling for a huddle, like always every end of the shift and I almost forgot it. Still, I'm trying to hide the torture of the painful thing in my cervix. Until I finally decided to act and told my TC to excuse me and that I need to go because I am not feeling well. Good thing TC Romel was too kind to let me go. Maybe I pass the quota at that time. Then went I go. I contacted my best friend that day. I called him that I'm not okay and that I need to go to the hospital, the painful thing is giving me a trembling feeling already. And I know that there is something wrong. Thank God, the best frie...

"God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need." Saw this one earlier at one of my friend's Facebook wall. I can't help but copy.  Yes, God will not give us something that will not make us better in life.  I still remember in the past that I used to question God's doing to me because of my sickness.  I ask him why me of all people. Then, I think that maybe because of my sin in the past.  Or the sins of my parents that is why I am the one doing this sickness for them. Thinking about it makes me feel a little better because I don't need to think of my wrongdoings.  God simply give us the people we need in our life.  We have a lot of wants which we all know will just pass us by.  What we need are those essentials to our life.  I believe that God gave me Ian for me to be in my life. Not just to give love and joy, as well as giving me all the support I need.  I know I've been a pain to him and I can see th...

And I'm back here.  The last time I fueled this page was last year.  What's new? Same thing the usual.  I'm still the sick me.  How I wish I can tell myself, hey' I'm back from the normal person I am. The happy outgoing me.  Actually, there is something new about me.  I'm no longer the person who likes to go outside, instead, I'm becoming a cavewoman.  The only place where I'm comfortable walking around in the center where I have my treatment. Since I was confined last April and June, my body became proportional, my face is kind of bloated and I'm having a hard time standing straight and even walking straight. I know that these are the changes you have once your body is no longer having the mutual understanding of all the components needed in your body. This year, my calcium was less, phosphorous is still high - when can I get this lower. I did a test for my iPTh and I've got 500 plus which is not as bad as they said but my body is gettin...