JustBhem

I can't contain the joy I am feeling at the moment while I'm still in a torment. Like I'm caught in a web full of emotions and anxiety. Yes! It's me wandering around, looking for a place to hide and cry. It's been ages now that I'm still having this wound of my being very hard headed. My Doctor told me I should not take any food that will cause my Phosphorous to hit its high limit. Plus another agony is my rashes all over my body that caused me sleepless nights. Its really bothersome waking up in the middle of the night itching. And what worst is never go back to sleep. I hate it! Another torment is my medicine of very expensive. Hays. If only these meds are free, I would definitely take them every day. Like I'm saving for this. Hays. The truth is, I'm a little bit happy because I got myself another stressful job and that is to sell. Yup! I'm putting up another online business and luckily, its getting the hit of it. Got a lot of inquiries and ...

I scarecely talked to my mom. Because every time we talked or if I have something to say, she's not interested. Like I'm talking to a dead meat. I thought she is just tired or her mind is out there but it's not. She's really not interested. So I figured out that I will not ever gonna talk to her ever. One thing also is, if there is a gossip spreading over our place, juiceko! Her ears will fly. I really dont understand my mom. Like she is from some planet. She don't care about us or even if she cares, it's not real. Like napilitan lang sya. Her gestured are fake. And just to let you know that I don't have a closed relationship with mom. She's a witch you know. When I was a kid. I used to call her WITCH because she always in a wrath with everybody around the house. She wants thing to be okay. And I so hated her when she always nagged me about almost everything. Also she don't want me to go with my father every time my father wants to buy me someth...

2 more months and we will have our new President. The question is. Who will be the next President? I've seen this in my news feeds and tried to check it. And wow! I was amazed by people who are rooting for Mayor Duterte. And looks like 90% of the said survey is from Mayor Digong. Reading those comments flattered me because I am from Davao City, bord and raised here where our Mayor served more than decades. It is very overwhelming that a lot of people wants change for our country and they believe that Mayor Rody Duterte can do that change. From different countries where most of the filipinos are living and working are supporting the deeds of our Mayor. That means only one thing. Mayor Duterte leads the poll. But... wait... Poe is now qualified to run and her supporters are very much happy about that. I really find it very sad because Poe should not be qualified because of her citizenship and it sucks you know,  that a citizen like me, who lived for 33 years in the Philip...

It's past two AM yet I'm still wide awake, again. I watched The Prince and Me awhile ago and got smitten by the story. I know I've seen the movie many times from the past but I just want to watch it again. And here I am again. Thinking what if there is really a prince out there who will take me by surprise. He will fell in love with me and will have me my kidney transplant and I can live happily ever after. How is that for a story? I know it's too impossible but who knows? The truth is. Even if I have Ian as my sole forever, I still have longings and dreams of someday I will find a very rich guy who will accept me and will extend my life. I don't know if it's cheating but that's what I've been thinking about. And I know I am blessed because of Ian but who I am to cut off his happiness too? I love him so much and it worries me all the time. I want him to be with me forever, until we have white hairs. But my life is not in my hands anymore. Ever since...

My life is never been easy. Like, I can die now and revive later kind of thing. That I can be okay and later on I'm not. I cannot predict what will happen next. I'm afraid. So afraid then I will try my best not to feel afraid. I know death will come to me. It can be now or tomorrow or the next day. Who knows? That is why being happy at the moment with those people near to me is the best remedy for keeping me alive. I am not always like this very sentimental but this sickness taught me a lot. That I needed to be strong for the people who prayed and cared for me. For the people who loved me and never hesitated to make me feel special. To that one person who is my source of strength. I really don't care about what other people say. But hey' I'm not that insensitive though. Sometimes I feel all eyes are in me. Because I have a huge viens in my right hand that I look like a monster to other kids. But who cares? I can forgive kids because I know they have this very c...

When was the last time we make love? As far as I remember twas 2012, I think. I feel a lot hopeless whenever I thought about that because as much as possible. I want my boyfriend to be happy. And there is me, very afraid to give myself. I am so thankful though I have a very very kind and very understanding  boyfriend. He understand my well being is not (yet) ready. I still do have a lot of preparations to do before engaging myself to that. I know I am over due of giving myself to him and one day I will or we will have that chance. As for me. I am still not ready. I still have a lot to take of  consideration and it sucks you know. When your mind and heart tells you 'its okay and your body will not agree. Very hopeless. This is what I'm getting when I over think. Sometimes it will complicate the issue. I have what if's running in my head at the moment. Hays. If only I can do better. Wait. Is this heart aching? Oh please no. Please heart don't get over reacting. It...