JustBhem

Summer is coming. And I know everyone is excited about it. For sure beaches will flock by beach bums and so are those famous summer places in the city. How I would really love to go with the flow and be as normal as other people. Would love to start by walking in the shore line, watch peebles swingging by the waves, take pictures of myself with friends and of course with Ian, and also would love to swim and feel the salt water all over my body. I already converse about it with Ian regarding our summer escapade together. And we both agreed that we need to plan it carefully because it would be my very first time after a year of my recovery phase. So, as early as last week I already look for a rash guard to wear and to hide my fistula in the eyes of those judgemental people, and for me to feel comfortable while taking pictureque view of the shore. I'm excited, I know. Also friends are planning for an outing in the north. How I would really love to go to Enchanted River and Britan...

"Envy consumes nothing but it's own heart. It is a kind of admiration for those whom you least want to praise." Okay. I guess this message slap me in the face. I'm no denial when it comes to being envious, but in a good way that I didn't take it as a bad idea. It's more of a inspiration for me that to be like them I need to stand on my own and do my best shot. I even can't blame myself for becoming like this. I'm just human. Born to be imperfect and flawed. And becoming a sick person is the sickess sickening illness I've got. Ever since I belonged to this no cure sickness, I already setup my mind that in order to get use of this I need to be cool, do the things I want and live my life at peace which what I'm currently been doing now. And I'm telling you, it's so hard but I know with God's good graces I will be able to rise. Well being envious I think is not a bad idea if you lool at it as a positive way to be better and not...

When I was young, I really wanted to have a sister. I had one but she died when I was 7 years old. Father bear also want's to have another daughter. When mother got pregnant again, father was happy, and when they found out it's a boy. Father said, let's try once again. Until, I have 5 brooding brothers. When school is about to be my second home, I envied my little classmates for they have sisters who always fetched them. While me, I was given a task to look after my second brother. It was quiet normal for me though because through that I was able to do my given task a good remarks. Father was so pleased seeing me with my brother together. High school is crucial. I still need to look after with my Brother though Father already gave up that responsibility to me, because I need to focus on my own and brother also need to stand on his feet. But I cannot bear the thought of giving up to my brother when I knew that he was already attached to me. I still look after him at sch...

And to end this post is our picture.. 

Whenever I felt that I am the worst human being to experienced Life cruelties, I pray hard, that, if only, I could save other people from their own suffering, I will carry them myself but I'm not Jesus. I don't have the will to do that. I'm just human who are still suffering from life's fairness. You may say I am being bored for what is written here but I am on my own sanity. I just love to write and let go of my thoughts for somebody who will accidentally  try to read all of my life's dramas. Who knows, they may find answers or maybe enlightenment for their own miseries. Hopefully. Or maybe a laughing porgatory (for being dull). I know my writings are not somehow like a pro but definitely people will understand them, and if not, then try to look for more meaningful blogs ahead. So what are you waiting for? Tired of reading? Kidding. Stay. Please.. Okay, the thought about this post is how my day today is about to end. I did nothing the whole day but to keep...

Today's generation, you can tell two people if they are in a relationship by wearing this so called 'couple tshirt'. We find it hilarious or exaggerated but I love to see couple wearing the same tshirt with different designs or sayings printed on it. It's not only tshirt, jackets or sweater are also part of the trend. Seller must be very happy because a lot of teenagers are buying this stuff. I have few photos here I like. This one is sooo cute. If you are a hands on girlfriend/boyfriend then this one is for you. This so simple. Lo-Ve. I like it.  If you are both into a character kind then this is for you. You are his Wonder Girl and He is your Super Man. Forevermore lang ang peg. Lol..  I love Mickey Mouse, probably will have this. So cute and funny..  And I so like this too. Simple yet it comforts us for sure. Good for a long ride to the south.. LOOking forward to have this. and the last one, I created this using ...

I love happy ending! I love those movies that makes me cry at the end, whether it's a sad ending or a happy ending. Another love story movie added to my list, from the movie The Fault in our stars and Fifty Shades of Grey. Love, Rosie is way different from those I mentioned above. Yup! And I somehow connected to the movie. Anyway, the movie tells about two friends or bestfriends who falls in love with each other but no one dare to admit it even though some actions are discernible. No one likes to admit their feelings for they are afraid that someone will hate them, that someone will go away. Separated with fate, from London to Boston, from having a baby to wedding invitation, and broken marriages. Until one day one has to say it but it's too late already. One has to move on and forget everything. If you are really destined to each other, fate will surely come about to rescue. You probably knew now what I'm talking about? Yup! They kiss happily ever after.. Lov...

Here I am in my new renovated room, well it's still no wall color though but not too soon it will be colorful enough to always brighten my days. I was busy browsing my FB account and bumped to this House for Rent somewhere in Davao. I got inquisitive enough to open the photos. I checked it and I kinda like the interior, after seeing the inside of the house, I suddenly close my eyes and day dream to have a house just like this. Here are some photos. This is the kitchen. One of my favorite place inside the house, where I can cook my favorite dish, where my favorite plates, glasses and kitchen wares are magnificently displayed on those cabinets. I love to cook so probably you will see me around here very often. I love to have my kitchen a divider like this, or a wine spot maybe. And this spot is the room, cool glass shelves for my books. Perfect! Look at the room, surely would love to wake up here every morning and greet the sun. Would love to put ...

Caught myself crying everyday. It's not like I'm having a nightmare, it's because I'm tired of this ongoing battle of when it will end, nobody knows. I'm tired of seeing myself. From all the dark spot covered every parts of my body, down to my bulky tummy that no matter how I tried not to take water or any liquids, it's still big. (and excuse me, not that big. ) I'm tired of seeing my own reflection when looking at the mirror. The boney sculpture of a living dead is all I see. On top of that, these thick veins that gave me shameful days. Life for me is really hard. How I wish I can see things the way I've seen it before.

I am fallen clandestinely for a friend. Do you know that kind of feeling when someone gave you chocolates on your birthday, when someone gave you flowers during valentines day. What about that feeling when you see him there's a glow in your eyes and it sparks everytime he laughs at you. That kind of feeling when he's not around, you feel that the sky will start to rain as if the sky knows you're sad. That kind of feeling when all the troubles of the day drowned you yet still you can't sleep because your thoughts are busy memorizing his face. Feelings that you sometime felt your heart is about to explode because you can't take it anymore and you wish from all the constilation above the sky to make him feel what you feel for him. Yup! I am fallen hard to this friend. He may not have all the perfection, but I adore him so much and God must be so kind to those who wait. Yup! I am fallen hard to this friend. He may not have all the pe...

Father bear is almost done fixing my room. The only problem is the wall. I really need to do something to my wall because it will help me brighten up my day every time I wake up, but I'm having trouble which one should I pick. I was thinking of a rasta color room, that makes my room colorful and for sure it will spread good vibes. I also like sky blue and baby pink room, more like of a teen though. Anyway, I have some photos here that might help me choose the best before going any further.. This is how it will look like if in case I want to paint it like this. It's awesome! It will really describe me being a fan of rasta culture.  Don't mind the bed because I can't afford it, just imagine the color of the wall. It looks refreshing, right? It will help me probably to enlighten my day in case bad vibes is about to open. What say you?  The last one is this, baby pink color wall. So girly, and teen spirited atmosphere. Again, don't mind the bed,...

It must be great if I am, but I'm not. Now I believe I was born for this. Health is always been an issue to me since last year. I thought this year will give me luck, unfortunately it's still the same as last year. I mean I can easily get cough and flu, and the worst is, it will never get easily be treated. Like it will last a week or two. Also money issue. Of course it is. I should be happy because I can get help from my Fraternity but it's not enough. I mean if you sum it up it's not enough for my daily medications. And it doesn't mean I am not thankful. I am. Okay. One of my friend stop her assistant for me. It makes me sad because it helps a lot, and I do understand her. She also need to feed her family here. Now I don't know how to start. I'm thinking to go back to work. Maybe that's the last thing I need to do, to supply my needs and my treatment. For now I still need to get this bloated tummy away first before I hit the ran way. 

I cannot sleep in this hour so to make myself sleepy. I need to fill this portion of my Blog. Today I will tell you what.. As I always says, being a dialysis patient is never easy because you need to deal with different kinds of preventative measures. From your water intake, food input and of course your health condition. I never like the idea of this treatment maybe because no one educate me on how this treatment will work and of what I heard about it, and when the Doctor told me that this is the last resort I have. I have no choice but to take it and envelope my life to this threatening ordeal. Anyway, let me take you back. This is me when I was still enjoying life and what it could offer. So I say, when I was still healthy. And this is me in my first month of taking the treatment. The one that you see in my neck is my AVF where tubes are inserted for my blood to clean. And this is my Fistula in my right arm. They need to transfer the outgoing and incomi...