October of 2013. I felt very ill. I started to feel weak, tired, exhausted and headache is annoying. Every 12 midnight I keep coughing and losing my breath. I can't stand it, then I cannot sleep without going back and forth in the comfort room. And in the morning, I can't see. My sight is fading and a headache. I have no cue that it will be the start of what suppose to be my ending.
We found out that I have a uncompromising anemia that triggered everything, from my blood pressure that keep rising, to my kidneys functionality and up to my heart pumping condition. Thinking about all these back then, it was not easy for me to accept all.
In November, I was diagnosed to have a Kindey failure that needs me to undergo Hemo Dialysis for two times in a week. But before that I need to have a blood transfusion first and they need me to have 7 bags of Blood Type O plus, and 5 bags of platelets. That's a lot, I know and we are able to do that.
December 25, 2013. It was Christmas. I joined my relatives for a beach reunion party. Brother Karlo needs to carry me coz I cannot stand and walk anymore. I felt that it was my last day so I joined them. While they are all enjoying the mini party, I felt very weak and I'm about to lose sight again but I tried not to close my eyes coz I'm afraid I might not see them anymore. Until I asked my parents to go home coz I felt there is something wrong already. If I die I want to die in the house. I told my mom that I felt very weak and very tired. That's the time Ian arrived and was very worried coz I looked so pale already. Then he needed to run me in the hospital urgently.
My first Dialysis got everyone panic. All I remember was I asked the nurse who assisted me to get me a 'pang pakalma' coz I really don't understand anymore my self. I kept moving and I cannot stay in one place. Until I had seizure. The Doctor said I only have 20% to live.
My bestfriend who happen to be my boyfriend told me that they needed to inject me some meds to make me feel better. Also they told me I almost lost my memory coz the first time I woke up I don't know them. I forgot who are they. Then the Doctor again inject me a meds to calm my self until I fall asleep. For the third time, I caught myself in the arms of my Brother Karlo and my boyfriend Ian. They need to hold me until I woke up coz they're afraid of me.
Brother Karlo told me everything is okay and I had my first four hours successful Dialysis. I even saw his teary eyes and with a smile saying those. Also Ian is very happy seeing me awake. I felt I was in a very long sleep. Then my parents arrived in the morning. Both mom and dad are crying seeing me awake. At first I was no clue of what had happen. Until they both told me that I died for seconds. Then my relatives arrived and I saw their happy smiles. That time I need to contemplate things coz it seemed like all of those are running in slow phase.
I need to stay in the hospital for almost a month. I need to gain everything. That includes my cravings. I have to deal with my changeable mood. I get irritable. I get easily pissed off. I shout at people close to me with no reason. I'm becoming not like me anymore. My respect for people is fading as well as to myself. Even the one I love. I almost lose him.
I tried to learn the basic of knowing my sickness that succomb me for eternity. I need to accept that things will never be the same again but I need to understand them all.
It has been a year now and I still need to gain everything. A lot of changes I have been experiencing and until now I still need to gain weight. Hopefully in Gods time I will have everything in its places. I still have faith that everything happens for a reason. And I know God is with me all the time.
To end this very long post, here's another old photo of mine.
This was taken way back 2010, our very first date with Ian. This is one of my fave photo. Yup! I look so healthy in that photo and I wan't to have it back.
We found out that I have a uncompromising anemia that triggered everything, from my blood pressure that keep rising, to my kidneys functionality and up to my heart pumping condition. Thinking about all these back then, it was not easy for me to accept all.
In November, I was diagnosed to have a Kindey failure that needs me to undergo Hemo Dialysis for two times in a week. But before that I need to have a blood transfusion first and they need me to have 7 bags of Blood Type O plus, and 5 bags of platelets. That's a lot, I know and we are able to do that.
December 25, 2013. It was Christmas. I joined my relatives for a beach reunion party. Brother Karlo needs to carry me coz I cannot stand and walk anymore. I felt that it was my last day so I joined them. While they are all enjoying the mini party, I felt very weak and I'm about to lose sight again but I tried not to close my eyes coz I'm afraid I might not see them anymore. Until I asked my parents to go home coz I felt there is something wrong already. If I die I want to die in the house. I told my mom that I felt very weak and very tired. That's the time Ian arrived and was very worried coz I looked so pale already. Then he needed to run me in the hospital urgently.
My first Dialysis got everyone panic. All I remember was I asked the nurse who assisted me to get me a 'pang pakalma' coz I really don't understand anymore my self. I kept moving and I cannot stay in one place. Until I had seizure. The Doctor said I only have 20% to live.
My bestfriend who happen to be my boyfriend told me that they needed to inject me some meds to make me feel better. Also they told me I almost lost my memory coz the first time I woke up I don't know them. I forgot who are they. Then the Doctor again inject me a meds to calm my self until I fall asleep. For the third time, I caught myself in the arms of my Brother Karlo and my boyfriend Ian. They need to hold me until I woke up coz they're afraid of me.
Brother Karlo told me everything is okay and I had my first four hours successful Dialysis. I even saw his teary eyes and with a smile saying those. Also Ian is very happy seeing me awake. I felt I was in a very long sleep. Then my parents arrived in the morning. Both mom and dad are crying seeing me awake. At first I was no clue of what had happen. Until they both told me that I died for seconds. Then my relatives arrived and I saw their happy smiles. That time I need to contemplate things coz it seemed like all of those are running in slow phase.
I need to stay in the hospital for almost a month. I need to gain everything. That includes my cravings. I have to deal with my changeable mood. I get irritable. I get easily pissed off. I shout at people close to me with no reason. I'm becoming not like me anymore. My respect for people is fading as well as to myself. Even the one I love. I almost lose him.
I tried to learn the basic of knowing my sickness that succomb me for eternity. I need to accept that things will never be the same again but I need to understand them all.
It has been a year now and I still need to gain everything. A lot of changes I have been experiencing and until now I still need to gain weight. Hopefully in Gods time I will have everything in its places. I still have faith that everything happens for a reason. And I know God is with me all the time.
To end this very long post, here's another old photo of mine.
This was taken way back 2010, our very first date with Ian. This is one of my fave photo. Yup! I look so healthy in that photo and I wan't to have it back.
Comments
Post a Comment