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One step at a time.

I am happy and at the same time worried about all these. I am worried how to pay all these - the Internet connection and this new laptop. I just can't leave the boyfriend in this. He already did everything for me with no doubt. I just want to pay him for all the goodness he made for me and he will do to me in the future. Hopefully, after getting all set, I can pay him for all the goodness he did for me.

That is why, no matter what it takes, I will do everything to work and save. I want to give him what he deserve. I want to make him happy. I want to make him proud of me even though I am sick. I cannot just sit and watch him doing all the hardwork for us.

I promised myself this year that I will be productive. I will make a way to earn no matter what it takes. Whatever job it is as long as it comforts me. I don't mind working 24 hours a day just to save and buy aything I need.

Also, I want to help my family build a comfortable home where they can be proud. Where they can stay and live freely. A tidy home and fresh looking home. I want to give them that wonderful feeling where they can brag about our home. So whenever I'm gone they will thank me for that.

And before that, also I want to fix my room. I already started the flooring by putting a vinyl tiles on it. Then casting the wall for finishing paint. I am still thinking what color I will be having in my wall. I want it plain white. But siblings don't like it. It will look like a hospital room. Actually, it's not a big thing for me, since my second home is the hospital. I kinda like it as well.

I am thinking of putting a wallpaper too. Thinking about it, makes me think of a extravagant idea. Having a wallpaper cost a lot these days. Probably, I will add some wallpaper but not the entire wall. Also I like to decorate my ceiling as well. So that it will look nice.


Hmmm.. Having all these thoughts makes me excited and driven. I need to do all these one step at a time.

I want my family to be proud of me one day. Hopefully, hatered and jealousy wont come my way. Or it will drown me and will never make myself get back.

In God's perfect time, he will heal me. Of course. That's for sure. I just need to have that faith.

This is my first post for this month here and hopefully not the last.  

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