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Do you know the feeling?

After watching this series  13 Reasons Why. I began to wonder. How does it feel to be bullied? I wonder what are the thoughts running through their minds? I wonder how they feel. I wonder how they can cope up with this bad and awful reality about life?

I remember when I was a kid. I was in my Elementary days. I remember I once was a good kid. I always follow rules and I hate when someone notices me. I don't like people who I think don't like me. Then I got friends who happened to be like me and I'm liking it. The attention they gave me is the best of my days. Talking to them like I was always part of their lives.

In a society like this, we cannot please anybody. We cannot make someone happy by being around them. There are just people, same as me. With different thoughts like me. I cannot blame them or myself.

Then someone or in that group of people saw me like I was a good thing to be a joke. They started to make a name. Which I really don't like but as a good girl I was, I just ignored them which is the best thing to do.

Until one day. They started making fun of me, calling me names. This and that. So that good girl in me unleashed the bad side of me. I thought about it a hundred times. Then it went out roaring. In seconds I had that pencil stabbed in his hands and walked away.

I though I will pay for the price I did and I'm ready. But that kid didn't do anything. Instead, he always takes away his eyes off of me. He always going to a different direction. All the kids especially boys, will come running away from me. I feel great and proud of it and at the same time, upset about it. Because I didn't want people to be frightened of me. Like I am the worst nightmare they could have. When all I want is to be friends with anybody.

Then I moved on with my life. With that, I had followers. And I don't consider them like that. I am their friends and I would like to keep them. I want to protect them.

By moving on, I need to keep moving. So, high school demands a lot of time. It's another journey I should take. New faces. New Teachers to respect. New kids to understand.

In a new environment, it's a jungle to me full of hungry animals. Full of attention. Full of dramas and full of shit.  Sorry. I need to say that.

As always the ever good girl, I learned to camouflage myself and go with the flow. I met new friends. We had a name for our group. It was funny and I forgot it.

Being a teenager, you have to put yourself where it comforts you. Where your heart desire pushes you through. Then I started to get jealous. Jealous of how pretty they are. On how smart they are. I am always the naive one who will just sit there in the corner, watching them, admiring them. And be contented of what I see. Until this heart beats for someone.

Being in love or at least that's what they called it. Is not easy especially for someone like me who is very new to this feeling. I found my frustration and that is admiring someone from afar. He is cute, I can tell.

For how many years, I tried to hide it and traveled more about this feelings. I stumbled across this F-L-A-M-E-S thing, and I got Married for an answer. Do you know about this? I bet you know. Hehehe.

When someone saw this, all of my classmates started to make fun of me, as if I have the funniest face in the crowd. They started calling me names again. Friends didn't do about it because they are afraid the jokes will come to them. So I let them hide inside their sleeves. And I took all the laugh they throw at me. As if it never happened to me before.

Since I don't want to remember what happened before, I started to learn to ignore them. There is a time, they will call me names. As long as their not hurting me physically I can keep up with that.

I think I know the feeling of being bullied.

 It will eat your heart out and will start thinking of this and that. And I think those who bully are those people who are lonely, sad, weak and troubled. They just don't want to accept it because they are lonely, sad, weak and troubled. Instead of helping the people who they bullied, why not helping those people who are a bully.

They are the one who needs much attention. Because they will never do that if they are not troubled. They need more attentions than us.

It is time for us to stand because suicide is never an option. There is always hope in every problem.  And life will not come after you if you kill yourself. You will lose it forever. While others are fighting to live.

If you look at me now, no, not the sickly me. The strong and a fighter me. There are no traces of being bullied. I stand alone and face them with a hard fist in my pocket. And a smile that says, back off, or else. Kidding.

If you happen to know someone who is being bullied. Be a friend to them, be a help to them. You might now know, you are saving them for themselves.

And if you happen to know a bully, be a friend. Know their weaknesses. Their issues. Don't laugh at them. Don't give them the chance to bully someone. Instead, encourage them to be a good person and if they don't like it, at least you've tried and that's the time you have to give up, and please don't believe this. Keep encouraging them. Until they will find it very legal to stop being a bully.

Thank you for reading. 

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