JustBhem

I feel sad tonight. Maybe because I'm still sick. Been having cough and flu and fever. Tonight I feel emotional. I remember the past where I used to do normal things. I can run, I can washed clothes, I can cooked and make love. I know there's no turning back and that I should be grateful because I'm still alive. But whenever I remember or see photos of myself, I just can't hold back the sadness. Nagpabaya ako, OO and I blamed myself for that. Tao lang din naman ako. Nagkakamali rin. I have a lot of pagkukulang sa pamilya ko at sa sarili ko. And guess what, I'm paying it until I die. I know it's useless keep blaming myself. All I should do is keep strong and focus in recovering and be better. Who knows miracle will walk in and bump me. Well if that happens then I'll be the luckiest Dialysis survivor living. I just need to have that faith. I know it will come someday. Best luck for me! Wicked sick.. :)

Growing up without a mom to guide you is somewhat awful. I was 16 when my mom decided I need to live with my grandmother (my father's aunt) so that I will have a better future ahead of me since she no longer take the responsibility. I have no choice because I am a good daughter. I hate not to be with my siblings because I know they need me instead of my mom. But what can I do? I am once an obeying daughter. Living in my grandmother is not quiet hard. My only task was to cooked breakfast for lola. Help her take her medicine and looked after her sugar intake. She also was the one who make my way to college. She took full responsibility for my studies. Gave me clothes to wear and a shelter. Though sometimes we don't talk much I know she cares for me and I loved her for that. When I found out my mom was dating someone. I pictured out our family. I felt that I shouldn't be here and that I should be with my brothers who needs me. I blamed myself for being a good daughter...

I really dont like sharing. And since I have a blog I'm much oblige to share. Okay. I'm 32 years old and I'm sexy. Kidding. I worked in a callcenter for five years. Not to mention the months I went on for call center hopping way back 2008 in Manila. Went home in Davao for a break from the hussle and buzzle of the city life and the painful of heartbreaks. Started a new life in this old place. Worked my way as independent citizen of Davao. Succeeded for 5 years as a callcenter agent. Year 2009 I was diagnosed of having a cyst in my right ovary and I need to remove it, of course I need to have an operation to get it done. Since then I experienced throbbing sensation of mild headache, painful nape and unwanted vomiting. They said, that once your body is open to any kind of operation, expected you'll get any kind of sickness. So, at age of 25 I was diagnosed of a Chronic Kidney Disease secondary to Hypertension. Since then I tasted the awful bitterness of taking my main...